Family common sense

Family education is the essence of teaching children how to love

Sun yunxiao, Deputy Director of China Youth Research Center Note: parents concentrating on knowledge, skills, and cut other emotions, children into a score of machines, dangerous is going to happen. On the surface, their good grades, and mastered many skills, but he has become a person without feelings, cold, depending on the people of the people of hell, his goal is to make-"emotional education in family education, no emotion is the enemy. "
On April 1, the students studying in Japan Wang in Shanghai Pudong airport fees and mother during a dispute, and drew his sword to stab the mother. After the incident, a lot of people are wondering, this 23 year old boy for what would hurt his family. Sun yunxiao, Deputy Director of China Youth Research Center from 1991 PhD student gang Lu homicides in America, recent Yao thorn parent events, and students in Japan, behind these extreme events that occur frequently, you can find a common factor: the one-sided emphasis on knowledge and skills of family education and cut the other emotions.
"Parents too much attention to the knowledge, skills, and cut other emotions, children into a score of machines, dangerous is going to happen. On the surface, their good grades, and mastered many skills, but he has become a person without feelings, cold, depending on the people of the people of hell, his goal is more than others. "Sun yunxiao said.
Sun yunxiao, affective education is the education of love, it has two levels: the first, parents give their children the true love, including physical care and spiritual care and secondly, parents guide their children to learn to love. "Because the study is observational learning of children, children's culture is imitative of the culture, the child was brought up in experience. "Sun yunxiao said, although there will be preaching in family, there is a lot of knowledge and skills to teach, but the essence of education is not knowledge, that are not also reasoning education, but for emotional education.
However, in reality, has shaken the advancement of education. In many families, often heard phrase is: "as long as the study well, regardless of anything else, this is not something you're supposed to do. "
Sun yunxiao believes that on this issue, the parents have to bear the main responsibility. Lead to the feeling there are two main reasons: under the pressure of examination-oriented education, parents mistakenly understood the essence of education and training of children "to intelligence than morality", family relations are close, hard and cold like a pipe, and there is no other choice. Another reason is the love for children first material, there is no principle, children become wayward, pleasure can go trampling on others.
"Sometimes in a child, will also show these two situations. Misled by this love, deprived of love. "Sun yunxiao said.
A primary school teacher in Shanghai has given Sun yunxiao said such a thing. In class four, grade one, in a math test, a mathematical result very good girls suddenly absent, the teacher said as the girl's grandfather died, she went to attend a farewell ceremony. Ludo, a cheer went up in the class, it was stated: "her grandpa is dead", and table-pounding and stomping. It turns out that girl's grandfather is Professor of mathematics, often coaching her, these kids believe that her grandfather died, and they were able to more than her.
Another time, lectures in Jiangsu Province, a mother waits until the audience find Sun yunxiao: "my child is awful, I have been away from home for half a month. My husband was working in the North, I stay home with the children, children have no filial piety, I want money, buy things. I say him, he actually hit me. "
Indifference to others, parents ' brutal, Sun yunxiao heard such things more than once. In his view, this was caused by a lack of emotional education, "education is the most basic and most important education. The essential goal of education is to make people happy, to develop, rather than so-called success. Simply the pursuit of children's success in a certain social position and success at this stage. "He said.
In the Emile, Rousseau had proposed that each of the education of children and adults should have a bottom line, never hurt anyone. Sun yunxiao, the current family, needed for children to develop such a moral bottom line, completed in children before the age of 10 should be the cultivation of moral intelligence, or the ability to distinguish between right and wrong.
"Two years ago, to give them meticulous care, he set up the security. Parent company more than anything else at this time. If children are not in their parents, or the child who is unstable, not fixed, children may feel insecure. 2 ~4 years old at this stage, to dare to say no to children. Children's language skills developed rapidly, is the need to establish rules for non-period. When he showed up bad behavior, such as hitting, swearing, exclusive, be sure to say no to him. 5 ~10 years of age, we will continue to cultivate habits of character. After 10 years of education the most important principle is to respect, especially during puberty. "
Sun yunxiao believes that emotional education can actually be starting from the many details of family life. In China, Japan, South Korea, United States four-State survey of high school students, he found that Chinese parents to give children pocket money at will, 40% per cent of parents gives pocket money tied to children's academic performance, and high school students in Japan, the United States and South Korea, more than half get pocket money instead of working in labor-related. And Chinese parents gives pocket money rarely checks, while Japan, South Korea and the United States of parents valued guidance. Sun yunxiao thought, in fact, money is a good clue in the family: "Rockefeller to give children pocket money, for 1 dollar and 50 cents in one week, but also to compliance with the principles of 3 one-third: one-third free flower one-third to save, there are one-third to do charity. This incident only pocket money, we can cultivate children's charity and self-control. ”
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